From the Christmas comedy script "Merry Penguins"
CHARLIE: That was wonderful!
ALFIE: Flying is great fun!
MAX: We even looped-the-loop and flew upside-down!OPENSLAE: So, that was probably when Father Christmas fell out.
(All Penguins point to the sleigh in horror.)
ALL PENGUINS: Oh, no!
From the play script "Christopher Columbus"
ISABELLA I OF CASTILE: ... I'll even sell my jewels to pay for the expedition!
FERDINAND II OF ARAGON: Steady on, dear. There's no need for desperation: we can always tax the poor more.
ISABELLA I OF CASTILE: Oh, yes. Silly me.
TYBALT: I recognise that face! A cursed Montague in our house. To strike him dead I hold it not a sin. Aghh, alas I carry no sword and have no dagger.
(Tybalt rushes over to the serving tables. Romeo is now gazing lovingly a metre away from Julie, who does not notice him.)
TYBALT: Servant, give me a knife!
SERVANT 1: I'm sorry, sir. We have no knives.
TYBALT: Damn you! Give me a fork then. It will have to do.
SERVANT 1: I'm sorry, sir. We have no forks.
TYBALT: A plague in your pants! What do you have?
SERVANT 1: Spoons.
TYBALT: Give me your biggest, meanest, sharpest spoon for I mean kill a sworn enemy.
SERVANT 1: Not if you don't say 'please', sir.
Read samples from amusing elementary school play "4th July: Independence Day".
From "The Lost Eagles" educational play script
VARUS: (Showing picture of money bag going to Rome:)We’re going to collect taxes (Showing picture of person being whipped on the bottom:) and give you some good ol’ Roman law. (Chieftains all groan.)
VARUS: Ahh, but there is good news! We’ll build Roman baths, public toilets....
CHIEFTAIN #2: That looks fun. What’s it for?
Read samples from the funny play script for kids:
Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves.
From "The Real Pierre Pan" parody play script
EAGLE G. (Gangster rap music plays)
I ‘iz the well minty boy from Staines,
My rapping will blast out yor brainz,
I dance betta than Adam n the Antz,
But me gran tells me to change my pants.
PIERRE PAN: I’ve just had an idea. Let’s see if the teachers can do it! Scrub the decks, salute the captain, and climb the rigging. Wakey, wakey, teachers: it’s better than attending a staff meeting...
(If teachers get order right:)
(If teachers get the order wrong)
PIERRE PAN: Ooh la la, you not listening to the order. But, we forgive you.
From the script of "The Boston Tea Party"
TEA DRINKER 1: Ooh, what a lovely drink! It's incredibly popular in America you know. There are four main types of tea: white, green, oolong and black. We mainly drink green tea in the colonies. I just don't know what I'd do if I was deprived of my daily cup.
TEA DRINKER 2: Well, thankfully that's hardly likely to happen is it? In fact, I'd say that situation could never ever arise.
PROTESTER: Put that drink down immediately! It contains the seeds of slavery.
(Tea Drinker 1 and 2 examine tea cups.)
TEA DRINKER 2: No, it doesn't. It contains tea leaves.
PROTESTER: Well, yes. What I mean is that if you accept British tea, you're also accepting the King's authority to make laws over our land.
TEA DRINKER 2: (Lowering cup.) Really?
(Tea Drinker 1 continues to drink happily.)
From "The Back to the Past Guide to Great Scientific Breakthroughs" children's play
NARRATOR: Previous designs for manned flight had involved a lot of flapping. (Two strangely dressed people holding wings enter stage, warm-up like athletes, flap furiously and jump from chair, one after the other and walk off sadly.) It didn’t really work.
From "The Christmas Miracle" kids Christmas play
MRS. MACINTOSH: Now let’s say grace. Hands together. (Curly sitting one side of Stan puts her hands flat against his.)
MRS. MACINTOSH: Your OWN hands.
From children's theatre comedy play "Cosmic Pets"
CAPTAIN THUNDERBOOTS: You’re a strange looking monkey.
JAY: That’s because I’m a boy!
From dramatic community and professional theatre script "Devil's Banker"
LEONARDS: I didn’t agree to the dying part!
DEVIL: People rarely do.
Some playscripts by Robert Reed:
For a full list see
About Robert Reed.
Chinese New Year click here
Presidents' Day click here
St Patrick's Day
Mother's Day click here
April Fools' Day click here
Paul Revere's Ride
Easter click here
St George & the Dragon
Earth Day click here
Independence Day click here
Summer click here
*Included: Performance rights for 3 performances in 4 years! rights to copy for cast! rights for one video/audio of the performance, suggestions for staging, props & costumes, music ideas. More information.
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